So Long, Farewell, Big Yellow Guy

BARNABAS MARTIN

(March 31, 2002- March 4, 2010)

It is with a very heavy heart and red, tear-stained eyes that I write this post, dedicated to our beloved Labrador, Barney. Last night, after several weeks of deterioration, we had to put our big yellow friend to sleep. He would have been 8 years old at the end of this month.

Barney had been a cancer patient since December 2008 and although he had been in remission for over a year, his health had started to slowly wane. He started having seizures about 2 months ago and since then had aged greatly. He hadn't eaten much at all in almost 4 weeks, including very little water. He moaned in pain all day long, especially at night and after he did eat something. He had a hard time standing and walking and started to have accidents around the house; ultimately, in his own cage, the place that had been his sacred den his entire life. His own personal shame and embarassment when this happened was enough to make us very sad; he knew that things weren't supposed to be this way. Who was once our frisky, social dog, now had a hard time even standing up to greet a visitor and would often not even lift his head to see who had come to call on us.

For a few weeks we lived with the hope that he would get better; at least that he was just aging and this was an imminent part of growing older. We didn't know what to do for him anymore and soon it became apparent that he was dying, several years shy of the supposed life expectancy for a Lab. We selfishly held on to him for the last few days and any sign of renewed life on his part, albeit temporary, would cause us more confusion. We didn't want to put him down if it wasn't supposed to be the end of his life. On the other hand, though, we didn't want him to suffer. Gradually he started to further decline. His last few days with us, especially his last 8 hours, were marked with a very rapid downturn. His quality of life was gone and we knew what we needed to do.

A friend sent me this poem. It touched my heart so I pray that it will also touch yours.

If it should be that I grow weak
And pain should keep me from my sleep;
Then you must do what must be done
For this last battle can't be won.

You will be sad, I understand;
But don't let grief then stay your hand.
For this day more than all the rest,
Your love for me must stand the test.

We've had so many happy years;
What is to come can hold no fears.
You don't want me to suffer so
The time has come, please let me go.

Take me where my needs they'll tend,
But please stay with me 'til the end
To hold me close and speak to me
Until my eyes no longer see.

I know in time you will agree,
It was a kindness done for me.
Although my tail its last has waved,
From pain and suffering I'm saved.

Please do not grieve that it was you
Who had this painful thing to do.
We've been so close, we two, through the years;
Don't let your heart hold any tears.

Barney has been such a loving, gentle, friendly, obedient member of our family. He was the best dog we could have ever asked for and everyone always loved to visit with our big 'ole buddy. He was there when we needed a big pillow to lay on. He was there when the boys needed someone to crawl over. He loved to play and loved to give unsolicited kisses. He spent one summer running through our 6 acre property after being in our townhouse his entire life. We are glad that he had that one special summer to run carefree through the woods and brush of our farmhouse with us and the kids, although we are saddened that he will not be with us this summer.

Andrew and I have only been married for 10 months without having Barney there with us. He is our first baby and has brought such joy to our family. We will forever remember all of the good times we shared with this big, clumsy yellow guy, and his memory will live in our hearts. We love you, Barney! You were a good dog and will be missed.

Barney's Life in Review

From the farm in Spring City, PA, where we first found Barney and brought him home in May 2002 to the "final photos" with the kids, both a few weeks ago and just yesterday afternoon, 6 hours before he passed away and went to doggie heaven.